| Mediation Notes from presentation given at Ananda Shila ETC by Didi Anandarama For grade 6 students to become peer mediators in resolving their own problems and conflicts. |
| Mediation is the process
where one person(s) tries to resolve a dispute, conflict or fight between
two or more parties.
Mediation is necessary when a conflict cannot be resolved for a long time or when the disputing parties are not able to resolve it by themselves. The mediation can start when the disputants realize the importance of having the conflict resolved because they are not able to communicate directly because the conflict grows bigger and bigger each time they do. In the school community the mediators are known to all students. They are volunteers and have received special mediation training. They are supervised by one teacher. The mediators may approach the disputing parties
and suggest that they resolve their dispute through a mediation process
or the parties may approach them for help. The mediators may go between
them until they agree on who will be their mediator and on the time and
place of meeting. The mediator helps the disputants to regain the ability
to reason and bring them to a turning point at which they cease jumping
at each other’s throat and wasting time on endless efforts to prove
who is right or hurt and beat the opponent. Having both disputing parties
want to solve the problem is the most difficult aspect of mediation. But
once the mediators help them reach the turning point they let both parties
find their own solution together. The solution represents everything the
disputing parties have agreed on. |
Sample
welcome speech of the mediator
My (our) role is to make sure that each of you shares whatever you are willing to say about the problem, to get equal opportunity to speak and to come up with a solution that will suit both of you best. Mediators don’t take sides or judge either of you. Your role is to tell us what happened, how you feel about it and what you want. Mediation is a process, a journey. You choose the route, you sit at the wheel and I read the map and show you the way to your destination. If you want to get to the coast, and you don’t know the way nor have a map – you will reach your destination if you follow my instructions, observe the traffic rules and really want to get to your destination. On the way there are many stops and
rests, we can quarrel over the directions and even some minor issues –
whether to take the right or left turn or whether to continue the journey
in the first place. As a mediator I do not have a driving license, but
the map tells me which road leads to the coast. You have a driving license,
but you don’t know the least thing about navigation. I want to go
with you, so I’ll help you by giving you directions. One more thing,
imagine the car has one steering wheel and double commands (like cars
in driving schools) While one of you is steering the other can suddenly
put the brake on or step on the gas pedal when in a bend … whether
or not we shall get to our destination safely also depends on both of
you. |
| Stages of Mediation |
Stage 1: - Introduction Preparation: Two persons act as mediators. They arrive at the place of mediation, arrange the seating, provide paper and pencil, have a clock and arrange with each other who will facilitate when. They can plan to have a short break during the negotiations. As a rule, the school-based mediation is conducted without the presence of adults except in the beginning stages a teacher assigned to supervise the mediations at school may be observing. Welcome: When the disputing parties arrive, one mediator will start with a welcome speech (see in the box) and then everyone introduces themselves with first name only. Rules: There are rules for the mediators as well as for the disputants. Both set of rules are written on a poster and displayed on the wall. The mediators introduce the rules and ask if there any questions and whether the disputants accept these rules. If the disputants object the mediators explain that the rules allow everybody to feel safe and protected from insult and humiliation and help them shift from attacking people to attacking the problem. |
Rules to Observe
During Mediation:
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Five Rules for Efficient
Mediators
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| Stage II – Account
Listen to the conflict and check if you got everything right. You may toss a coin to decide which of the disputants will start his or her account of the situation. While one of the disputants speaks one mediator takes notes and gives a summary of what he heard after the disputant finished. The other mediator makes sure there is no interruption from the other side. Then the other disputant speaks and the mediators switch duties. At the end both mediators check whether what they said corresponds with what they heard. It is important that everyone understood what was said. Getting to the shared problem and compiling a list of problems. The two parties agree on the main problem. There can be several different problems and they need to be identified and listed on a board one by one. The mediators can talk in private and consult each others if all the problems are analyzed and if they need to ask more questions. If necessary each mediator can have a private word with one disputing party to see if they are getting close to be ready to talk about the solution(s) Stage III – The problem Think of possible solutions to the problem. The disputing parties must agree on a clear definition of each problem. Only then can they start seeking a solution for each individual problem. The mediator can suggest which part of the problem can be solved first Choosing the best solution. Each time a number of solutions to a problem have been suggested the best one is chosen which is also acceptable by both parties. The mediators could help to negotiate and brainstorm solutions. They make sure the solution is considered fair by each side. Defining the implementation of the agreement. For each of the listed solutions that both parties have agreed to, the disputants and the mediators should define who will implement it, in what time frame and how. Written agreement. A written agreement is drawn up and signed by both parties. The agreement says WHAT has been promised to be done by WHOM, by WHEN, WHERE and HOW MANY TIMES. The agreement may contain a provision on the consequences for those who break it. After the mediation process. The mediators may write a short report on what has taken place in the mediation process and may keep this report and a copy of the agreement in a safe place with only the teacher in charge of mediation. Another meeting can be fixed where the two parties and mediators will meet to follow up the action on the agreement. If no agreement can be reached, the
mediators have several options: |
Three most frequent ways people behave in a conflict 1. they deny the very existence of the problem 2. they counter-attack (verbally or physically) 3. they try to resolve the problem together as partners Communication is expressing and receiving. Example: We receive empathically through the
4 parts:
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